This post has been stewing inside of me for months now and I woke up this morning feeling I have to let it all out. Lately I’ve been very frustrated with my self mostly because I couldn’t write. I know some of you are thinking how can someone not be able to write. Don’t you just pick up a pen or open your laptop and do it.
Well I’m afraid it doesn’t always work that way.
As a writer and someone who finds so much joy in ths craft, having stories live inside you without an outlet is a very painful process. It’s like being trapped in yourself and possessing the key but not being able to open the lock.
I remember my first blog about 4 years ago, I vividly remember the first time I pressed the publish button, the mix of fear and exhilaration. I don’t have words to exactly describe it. And then I slowly overcame the fear and always looked forward to the next time my fingers did it’s little dance on my keyboard.
I was an intern then and every free time I got, I made myself a cuppa and got lost in the stories and antiques I shared with my readers. Through that I overcame a broken heart, healed and found kindred spirits.
There was no pressure to be anything or write a certain way, I just did. It was my space and I dictated the rules.
Fast forward to 2015, I enrolled in a Journalism course. A field where my true passion lies and I was ecstatic. This new start meant I was joining the big leagues, so I created a new, fancier and more organized blog that looked really good.
But it was a shell.
Once you start peeling the layers all you see are fragments, very tiny ones that are not enough to make up the writer that I am. I lost myself somewhere along the line of trying to fit in with the big guys out there.
I forgot why I started blogging, why I loved writing, why I decided to become a Journalist and really where I find true joy. I started succumbing to what I thought a blog needed to be about, what it should be and not what I wanted it to be.
If you have followed my writing journey since the beginning you will be appalled by all this. I used to carry the torch of being different and spoke about uniqueness and being who you truly are. I used chant the mantra of “I am Other” loud and clear all through the paragraphs of my essays and articles.
I suppose somewhere between the lines of codes from my move from blogger to wordpress that part of me disappeared. The interesting thing is I never noticed it until recently.
But I suppose with every healing journey one embarks on, knowing the root of your problem is a huge step towards recovery. So I’m glad I found mine.
To my dear old friends from ‘Girl Meets World’ and to my new friends on “Planet Meera’, this is why my blog has been silent. My inner battles has overtaken my ability to write, but I promise you I will try my best to overcome this.
This means that you may notice some changes on the blog. I know I started Planet Meera with all this promises of what the space will be about. I still want all that but the problem is as with any new thing, you have to start with baby steps to get to the long strides and I forgot that.
So for the near future I shall retrace my steps back to the roots and start with baby steps. I shall write for me at first, get my groove back and then I shall write for all of us. So don’t worry if I take out all the categories you like on the blog, I will slowly bring them back as I lay the building blocks.
As for now, let us all get reborn together and hope for a more creative space that starts conversations and provides insight into different issues. Or maybe just the random musings of a twenty something year old figuring out live and all it’s intricate details.